I Need My Husband’s Approval
I hear this often. A wife I speak to wants to hire us to help her maintain her home. Her husband doesn’t want to hire anyone. “We can do it ourselves,” he says.
Can we?
Can…
“We”?
The part about this that makes my skin crawl every time is when I ask her how much of the housework he does, the percentage is never over 25%. They both work full time. They are raising a family. And yet he is dictating how they spend their money and how she spends her time.
I am a feminist and a very independent person. I desperately want to write this article as simply as this:
“How to get your husband’s approval for housekeeping services: don’t bother.”
But I understand that the burdens of raising a family— financially and physically and mentally and emotionally— are vast, and that these things can be an absolute nightmare to navigate. There are social expectations, traditional roles, individual needs, family needs, budgets, and cultural norms to consider. And no two families are alike.
So I will offer this advice instead: talk about your division of labor when he says, “We can do it ourselves.” Because while you understand the whole of the work that needs to be done to maintain a house, he probably doesn’t. In fact, a lot of guys think they’re doing half the chores, even though their wives think they are only doing 10% of them. The reason is usually perspective: he doesn’t know what he doesn’t know, and as obnoxious as it is, you might have to spell it out on paper.
Discussing Division of Labor
Write down all the morning chores, all the evening chores, all the weekly chores, and all the monthly chores.
Sit down together. He needs to choose 50% of each category (daily, weekly, and monthly).
Execute the division of labor.
One of two things will happen:
The first option is that he gets it together and starts actually doing half the chores. Then you don’t need us anymore and you get to live happily ever after.
The second option is more likely, though: he realizes that it’s hard, it’s thankless, it has to be done every stinkin’ day, and he doesn’t want to do it. Then you get to call us, we will take care of your house, and you get to live happily ever after.
Looking for weekly and monthly chore examples? Check out our Residential Services page. The “Basic Clean” checklist will be a great framework for weekly tasks. Monthly tasks should include some of the items on the “Deep Clean” checklist: dusting fans and light fixtures; dusting door frames, window frames, and picture frames; dusting blinds, cleaning windows and windowsills; dusting furniture; dusting baseboards; cleaning the inside of the oven.
Amber Starling, Author
Founder and President of
Good Witch Cleaning Services, LLC
IICRC Journeyman Textile Cleaner